ooo... today was a pleasant day. went out at 11am to tampines library to meet haniel for chinese revision. honestly, the revision did help a bit. just by gauging myself for the various test papers i have done. but it is still not enough. currently, i have the mindset of killing the paper on that day and after which don regret for doing that paper and getting the results. i am afraid that i would just suddenly black out and hence not know anything abt chinese.. i rmb my experience during PSLE. i psyched myself into a this-is-an-ordinary-school-test-but-must-give-all-you-have mindset. but eventually, throughout the paper, i kept looking out of the window(was sitting beside window) and kept staring at this particular bird which always stands on the same tree and faced towards my direction. 4 days(?) passed by quickly and that bird didn't abandon the tree but instead came back everyday. haha! it was my companion, my 'guardian' during that time. i believe the invigilators noticed that i kept looking out the window but it beats looking at the table beside me. so ya, they didn't say anything to me. i just carried on looking outside. the bird managed to calm me down and allowed me to have a clear mind before tackling the 'hard' math questions.
often, people tend to get complacent. yes, they achieved high marks for their exams, such as PSLE, O LVL, A LVL and the list goes on. they get posted into the good schools and they start telling themselves, "aiyah, in such a good school and high _____(exam) marks, why should i worry?". from that point of time, their results drop and they still take it slightly and think to themselves the teachers never teach well, and start blaming everyone. last friday, my mum complained to mrs chee abt this teacher. i was quite angry with the complain cause it is not entirely that teacher's fault and it was in the past. why rake it up? i just stood embarrassed in front of mrs chee and kept quiet. anyway, back to present. O LVLS are coming and chinese is our first paper, this monday. on one hand, i want to get it over and done with. but i still want to it be delayed so i wont face it that early.
for this few days, i have been telling myself to do my very best for o lvls. but there's always the sense of fear that holds me back. presently, my subjects are arnd Bs and they are close to As. but there are subjects like english and comb. hum that makes me scared. so wat i am getting Bs now? i must put in more effort to achieve my As for that 75 mark but it is never enough. who knows how easy the papers will be? to be in peace with myself, i must reach the point of extreme revision and confidence. basically to be extremely good for the papers so i can get my marks and hence get my As and a bright future will be waiting for me. can you imagine ruining your future while in secondary 4? at this moment of time, if i ever fail english for O lvls, i will literally die. seriously. i don think i can face the reality then. to not allow such a thing to happen to me, i swear that i am going to improve my english. by prelims, if i don get a B4 and above, i might go crazy. but i will do my very best to improve it again then. will it be too late? i hope not. 2 weeks ain't much. grammar is my weakness now and i really want to fix this weak foundation of mine. some of you may be laughing now, "she's just bullshitting, she won't even get a B4!".however, i don really care abt it. laugh for i care and so what? life still goes on. it is not as if you are controlling my life and by laughing at me ruining my life. if you have that kind of mindset, i am sorry, you are being plain childish and well, have fun doing it since you are wasting your time. so ya, thanks for wasting time on me. i feel honoured.
anyway, after letting off my steam, my grandma and mum insist on me having english tuition. before typing this post, i wasn't ready for tuition. now, i am prepared and all set. i am going to tell my mum to quickly get me a good teacher. any recommendations? nearby is best. near school is ok too. school's vicinity has a lot of tuition centers. most probably will be around school.
to sum it all up, revision was great today and i must admit some papers in the assessment book are hard and that's another reason for being afraid. now i am going to do close passages from the book haniel gave today. going to do at least 10 today in such a short period of time. but to not regret, i am not going to take my revision for granted and cry when getting my results. i must do myself proud. till then, i am not coming online tmrw to revise chinese till i finish the close passage book, until i feel that that's enough, i am all geared up and ready to kill the paper, will i sleep. tmrw's bedtime: 9.30pm sharp. rise and shine? 7.30am. the sun will have rose from the horizon by then, the start of a new day. good luck to all. give all you got. finish the paper once and for all without regretting in the future. think about the future and not the present. be forward-looking. whoa. SS.
i regretted once back in primary 4 when i was streamed into the worst class for primary 5. but i took things in my hands and into the best EM2 class in primary 6. i want it to be the same again this year, and get into MJC. my choice for my future. here i come.
thanks for revision today haniel. tell him to shut up btw. what a friend you have.
i agree with mr lee, i must put everything aside now. till we finish our o lvls. see you soon.
